Terrible Tantrums Triggered by Talking?!

Do you have a child or a student who has tantrums or meltdowns every time they are told, “NO”?

He was told "No"

As parents and teachers of young children, we often over use this dirty two letter word.

The “No-No Tantrum” is very common.

We have parents that often report that every time they say “No”, their child will: scream, drop to the floor, and bang their head.

Often the word “No” has been paired with being denied something so many times that just hearing this word will produce a tantrum.

When that pattern is seen: “No” indicates to a child that a worsening condition is about to occur. Leading to a TANTRUM.

HOW NOT TO SAY “NO”:

1. Say what you want your child to do –

Instead of telling Johnny, “No, don’t climb on the table!” 

Present it in the positive, “Johnny, feet on the floor”.

 

2. Combine this with a distraction or redirections –

Remove Johnny from the table in a firm, calm manner. 

Refocus the child’s attention:”Let’s play blocks” or cars, ball, chase, etc.

WARNING: Be aware if your child is attempting to gain your attention with this problem behavior.

– The removal from the table gives attention, which is just what he wants! (Remember the pig from the previous post?)

You will want to re-direct away from the problem

Wait a brief period to gain compliance and then engage in attention giving.

 

3. Offer limited choices –

Don’t just give into your child’s demands. 

If the child wanted a different cup than what was offered, offer the same item or state that “we can put it away.”

A tantrum may still occur but this does not mean you handled the situation badly.

If your child wants more control in choice making, next time offer a choice between cups before the problem behavior occurs.

 

We do not mean to imply that you should never say no.

You must also teach what you expect of your child. Just try not to over use “no.”

Providing kind and firm discipline to teach acceptable behavior is the goal.

We can do this without over using the word “NO”.

Reinforcers: Mud, Money, & Motivations

“Motivation is the art of getting people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it. ”-Dwight D. Eisenhower

Don’t be afraid of using reinforcement!
Reinforcement is not bribery.

Bribery occurs when items/activities are offered to a child that is engaging in “bad” behavior to get that child to engage in “good” behavior.

Reinforcement is a process in which items/activities are offered to a child after being good to increase the likelihood that those behaviors will continue and occur more often in the future.

We all engage in activities were we receive reinforcement.

Ex: What controls an individual’s behavior for going to work?

Money is serving as the reinforcement for maintaining going to work.

This may be why individuals winning BIG at the lottery quit their jobs. Money no longer serves as a reinforcer for engaging in work behavior.

Tip:

– When trying to establish a new behavior or strengthen a weak behavior in your child, consider what may serve as a reinforcer or be delivered as reinforcement.

– Save that item or activity only for when your child engages in the desired behavior.

– When your child engages in the desired behavior, deliver the reinforcer immediately.

His reinforcer - MUD! He LOVES it!

I Argued With A Pig And Won!

Avoid arguments or providing verbal attention such as talking about the behavior during the protest. Only state clear re-directions pertaining to the behavior you want to see. For example: “QUIET”, “Sit down”, “Go to your room”, “Control you body”.

In the words of Dr. Jay Berk, “Arguing with a child motivated by attention is like mud wrestling with a pig – you both get muddy and the pig loves it.”

He LOVES it!