Terrible Tantrums Triggered by Talking?!

Do you have a child or a student who has tantrums or meltdowns every time they are told, “NO”?

He was told "No"

As parents and teachers of young children, we often over use this dirty two letter word.

The “No-No Tantrum” is very common.

We have parents that often report that every time they say “No”, their child will: scream, drop to the floor, and bang their head.

Often the word “No” has been paired with being denied something so many times that just hearing this word will produce a tantrum.

When that pattern is seen: “No” indicates to a child that a worsening condition is about to occur. Leading to a TANTRUM.

HOW NOT TO SAY “NO”:

1. Say what you want your child to do –

Instead of telling Johnny, “No, don’t climb on the table!” 

Present it in the positive, “Johnny, feet on the floor”.

 

2. Combine this with a distraction or redirections –

Remove Johnny from the table in a firm, calm manner. 

Refocus the child’s attention:”Let’s play blocks” or cars, ball, chase, etc.

WARNING: Be aware if your child is attempting to gain your attention with this problem behavior.

– The removal from the table gives attention, which is just what he wants! (Remember the pig from the previous post?)

You will want to re-direct away from the problem

Wait a brief period to gain compliance and then engage in attention giving.

 

3. Offer limited choices –

Don’t just give into your child’s demands. 

If the child wanted a different cup than what was offered, offer the same item or state that “we can put it away.”

A tantrum may still occur but this does not mean you handled the situation badly.

If your child wants more control in choice making, next time offer a choice between cups before the problem behavior occurs.

 

We do not mean to imply that you should never say no.

You must also teach what you expect of your child. Just try not to over use “no.”

Providing kind and firm discipline to teach acceptable behavior is the goal.

We can do this without over using the word “NO”.

There’s No Use Reasoning With a Rock, or a Toddler!

Spend less time talking and more time acting.

Do not try to reason with a toddler. You’re better off reasoning with a rock.

Can you reason with HIS bad behavior?

To young children, words are just sounds coming from your mouth. They have no real substance to them yet.

If your child is behaving badly…

Actions, such by picking him up and carrying him to another location, provide a clear message.

Yelling from the other side of the room means nothing!

Get up off the couch, stop talking, and start doing!

TRY THESE TIPS:

1. Provide lots of supervision, distractions and re-directions – Minimize your words and maximize your actions.
Quietly take your child by the hand and lead him to where he needs to go.
Show him what he can do instead of what he can’t do.

2. Staying engaged the right way – Some actions may only make matters worse:
– slapping his hand, yelling “no-no,” and engaging in a stare down
ALL =
an invitation for a child to keep their entertaining adult engaged with them.

3. Offer choices – Having choices gives children a sense of power: They have the power to choose one possibility or another.

Try a method and let us know the result.