Tag Archives: talking

Biting? Hitting? Pinching? Aggression!

27 Jan

Physical aggression, such as hitting, biting, pinching, and hair pulling, can be common at an age when functional communication is limited. 

These aggressive behaviors can also be exhibited by individuals carrying a diagnosis indicative of impaired functional communication skills such as autism

But let’s start with the basics:

Such behaviors may serve a number of different functions for the child such as:

  • defending possessions 
  • avoiding an undesired activity 
  • expressing frustration (especially when they cannot express themselves with words)
  • getting attention. 

It is important not to allow the aggressive behaviors to work

  • Your child bites you because they don’t want to take a bath. Will you let him/her watch TV instead? 

NO! 

Do not allow them to bite and run! Biting will not prevent bath time! Give him/her the bath!! 

TIP:

Try to figure out situations that may trigger aggressive behaviors.  Prevent or make changes in the environment, routine or activity that seems to produce aggressive behaviors.

He needs a bath, no more cartoons!

He needs a bath, no more cartoons!

ie. If you’re in the grocery store, and your child tantrums because you say no to a bag of M&Ms. Do NOT give them the M&Ms. Avoid the candy aisle, avoid the cash registers with candy, and if that doesn’t work, don’t take them to the grocery store!

Terrible Tantrums Triggered by Talking?!

28 Feb

Do you have a child or a student who has tantrums or meltdowns every time they are told, “NO”?

Temper Tantrum Baby

He was told "No"

As parents and teachers of young children, we often over use this dirty two letter word.

The “No-No Tantrum” is very common.

We have parents that often report that every time they say “No”, their child will: scream, drop to the floor, and bang their head.

Often the word “No” has been paired with being denied something so many times that just hearing this word will produce a tantrum.

When that pattern is seen: “No” indicates to a child that a worsening condition is about to occur. Leading to a TANTRUM.

HOW NOT TO SAY “NO”:


1. Say what you want your child to do

    Instead of telling Johnny, “No, don’t climb on the table!” 

    Present it in the positive, “Johnny, feet on the floor”.

     

2. Combine this with a distraction or redirections

    Remove Johnny from the table in a firm, calm manner. 

    Refocus the child’s attention:”Let’s play blocks” or cars, ball, chase, etc.

    WARNING: Be aware if your child is attempting to gain your attention with this problem behavior.

    – The removal from the table gives attention, which is just what he wants! (Remember the pig from the previous post?)

    You will want to re-direct away from the problem

    Wait a brief period to gain compliance and then engage in attention giving.

     

3. Offer limited choices –

    Don’t just give into your child’s demands. 

    If the child wanted a different cup than what was offered, offer the same item or state that “we can put it away.”

    A tantrum may still occur but this does not mean you handled the situation badly.

    If your child wants more control in choice making, next time offer a choice between cups before the problem behavior occurs.

     

We do not mean to imply that you should never say no.

You must also teach what you expect of your child. Just try not to over use “no.”

Providing kind and firm discipline to teach acceptable behavior is the goal.

We can do this without over using the word “NO”.

Glaciers & Children Have Something In Common…

22 Feb

THE MELTDOWN

Ice melts from the heat. What melts your child?

Understanding why tantrums happen can help you figure out how to deal with the behavior.

There are usually 4 reasons we engage in certain behaviors:
1. gain a desired item
2. gain desired attention
3. avoid or escape a demand
4. automatic -It feels good or something internal triggers the behavior

Anger and tantrums are contagious and no parent or teacher does their best work when angry.

The first step is to calm down
breathe deeply, model emotional regulation for your child.

Do not try to “fix” a the tantrum situation with rewards.

Offering a child an item will teach him that tantrums are a good behavior for gaining something he wants.

Unless you enjoy tantrum behavior, DO NOT give rewards for tantrums.

This would be reinforcing tantrum behavior and a sure way to see this behavior increase in future occurrence.

TIPS:
1. Avoid talking through a tantrum :
• Usually a child is not listen when upset
• Words will likely add fuel to the fire. (Don’t burn your eyebrows off)
• Silence reminds us to stay calm

KEEP IN MIND:
If the child’s tantrum is to gain attention, you will have reinforced the behavior you want to eliminate!

2. Do not try to “fix” a tantrum causing situation with rewards.
Offering a reward during a tantrum = a sure way to get more tantrums!

There’s No Use Reasoning With a Rock, or a Toddler!

7 Feb

Spend less time talking and more time acting.

Do not try to reason with a toddler. You’re better off reasoning with a rock.

Big Rock

Can you reason with HIS bad behavior?

To young children, words are just sounds coming from your mouth. They have no real substance to them yet.

If your child is behaving badly…

Actions, such by picking him up and carrying him to another location, provide a clear message.

Yelling from the other side of the room means nothing!

Get up off the couch, stop talking, and start doing!

TRY THESE TIPS:

1. Provide lots of supervision, distractions and re-directions – Minimize your words and maximize your actions.
Quietly take your child by the hand and lead him to where he needs to go.
Show him what he can do instead of what he can’t do.

2. Staying engaged the right way – Some actions may only make matters worse:
– slapping his hand, yelling “no-no,” and engaging in a stare down
ALL =
an invitation for a child to keep their entertaining adult engaged with them.

3. Offer choices – Having choices gives children a sense of power: They have the power to choose one possibility or another.

Try a method and let us know the result.

I Argued With A Pig And Won!

5 Feb

Avoid arguments or providing verbal attention such as talking about the behavior during the protest. Only state clear re-directions pertaining to the behavior you want to see. For example: “QUIET”, “Sit down”, “Go to your room”, “Control you body”.

In the words of Dr. Jay Berk, “Arguing with a child motivated by attention is like mud wrestling with a pig – you both get muddy and the pig loves it.”

He LOVES it!