Tag Archives: temper tantrum

Terrible Tantrums Triggered by Talking?!

28 Feb

Do you have a child or a student who has tantrums or meltdowns every time they are told, “NO”?

Temper Tantrum Baby

He was told "No"

As parents and teachers of young children, we often over use this dirty two letter word.

The “No-No Tantrum” is very common.

We have parents that often report that every time they say “No”, their child will: scream, drop to the floor, and bang their head.

Often the word “No” has been paired with being denied something so many times that just hearing this word will produce a tantrum.

When that pattern is seen: “No” indicates to a child that a worsening condition is about to occur. Leading to a TANTRUM.

HOW NOT TO SAY “NO”:


1. Say what you want your child to do

    Instead of telling Johnny, “No, don’t climb on the table!” 

    Present it in the positive, “Johnny, feet on the floor”.

     

2. Combine this with a distraction or redirections

    Remove Johnny from the table in a firm, calm manner. 

    Refocus the child’s attention:”Let’s play blocks” or cars, ball, chase, etc.

    WARNING: Be aware if your child is attempting to gain your attention with this problem behavior.

    – The removal from the table gives attention, which is just what he wants! (Remember the pig from the previous post?)

    You will want to re-direct away from the problem

    Wait a brief period to gain compliance and then engage in attention giving.

     

3. Offer limited choices –

    Don’t just give into your child’s demands. 

    If the child wanted a different cup than what was offered, offer the same item or state that “we can put it away.”

    A tantrum may still occur but this does not mean you handled the situation badly.

    If your child wants more control in choice making, next time offer a choice between cups before the problem behavior occurs.

     

We do not mean to imply that you should never say no.

You must also teach what you expect of your child. Just try not to over use “no.”

Providing kind and firm discipline to teach acceptable behavior is the goal.

We can do this without over using the word “NO”.

Glaciers & Children Have Something In Common…

22 Feb

THE MELTDOWN

Ice melts from the heat. What melts your child?

Understanding why tantrums happen can help you figure out how to deal with the behavior.

There are usually 4 reasons we engage in certain behaviors:
1. gain a desired item
2. gain desired attention
3. avoid or escape a demand
4. automatic -It feels good or something internal triggers the behavior

Anger and tantrums are contagious and no parent or teacher does their best work when angry.

The first step is to calm down
breathe deeply, model emotional regulation for your child.

Do not try to “fix” a the tantrum situation with rewards.

Offering a child an item will teach him that tantrums are a good behavior for gaining something he wants.

Unless you enjoy tantrum behavior, DO NOT give rewards for tantrums.

This would be reinforcing tantrum behavior and a sure way to see this behavior increase in future occurrence.

TIPS:
1. Avoid talking through a tantrum :
• Usually a child is not listen when upset
• Words will likely add fuel to the fire. (Don’t burn your eyebrows off)
• Silence reminds us to stay calm

KEEP IN MIND:
If the child’s tantrum is to gain attention, you will have reinforced the behavior you want to eliminate!

2. Do not try to “fix” a tantrum causing situation with rewards.
Offering a reward during a tantrum = a sure way to get more tantrums!