Tag Archives: parents

Aggression? Not So Much Anymore!

1 Feb
 

Here are some little ideas if you have a child that displays aggressive behavior (see last post)

1. If transitioning from watching TV to taking a bath is difficult try setting a times, provide a warning, have a favorite toy your child can gain only when taking a bath.

2. If going to the grocery store creates problem behaviors try shortening up the trip to a few trips each week limiting the duration of time in the store.  Offer your child a preferred item during this trip.  One mother offered her child a wet wipe. He loved to wipe off the shopping cart as they went through the store.  This provided a fun activity and a distraction.

3. Provide warnings when activities are about to end or the child needs to transition from fun to something less fun – TV to taking a bath.

4. Provide a choice between two activities or items when you must denied the child – No you can not have the candy but I have a piece of gum for you or you can hold my keys.

Help your child transition, or invest in one of these!

Attention: The Good & The Bad

27 Mar

Catching kids being bad is easy!  Catching kids being good is much tougher.

Though catching a child being good is where the money is!

Let’s try  changing our focus knowing that our children are motivated by attention.

Attention functioning as reinforcement can increase desired or “good” behavior if more attention is given for the “good” behaviors and less attention is given for the “bad” behaviors.

Tip:

  1. Pledge to compliment or acknowledge one desired behavior per half hour

DO NOT comment on the less desired/ “bad” behaviors.

Is Santa Claus A Threat?

8 Mar

“The Easter Bunny is watching,” “I’ll have to tell Santa Claus,” or “When your father comes home…”

Santa Claus

He's always watching...

Do you ever find yourself using these strategy to change your child’s behavior?

Threats RARELY work in modifying a child’s behavior.

THREATS: consequences that rarely manifest. Threats are ineffective in controlling a child’s behavior.

Consequences need to be immediate to be effective
Tip:

Stop

Redirect

Reinforce


  1. Stop the threats and deal with the behavior immediately.  You could do this by firmly re-directing the child to an appropriate behavior – “You may sit over here and look at this book.” or “Go play with your toys in the other room.”
  2. When attention is the child’s motivation, you may have to walk away or remove the child from your presence.
  3. Once the child is engaged in appropriate behavior, take the opportunity to praise and provide attention for good behavior.

Terrible Tantrums Triggered by Talking?!

28 Feb

Do you have a child or a student who has tantrums or meltdowns every time they are told, “NO”?

Temper Tantrum Baby

He was told "No"

As parents and teachers of young children, we often over use this dirty two letter word.

The “No-No Tantrum” is very common.

We have parents that often report that every time they say “No”, their child will: scream, drop to the floor, and bang their head.

Often the word “No” has been paired with being denied something so many times that just hearing this word will produce a tantrum.

When that pattern is seen: “No” indicates to a child that a worsening condition is about to occur. Leading to a TANTRUM.

HOW NOT TO SAY “NO”:


1. Say what you want your child to do

    Instead of telling Johnny, “No, don’t climb on the table!” 

    Present it in the positive, “Johnny, feet on the floor”.

     

2. Combine this with a distraction or redirections

    Remove Johnny from the table in a firm, calm manner. 

    Refocus the child’s attention:”Let’s play blocks” or cars, ball, chase, etc.

    WARNING: Be aware if your child is attempting to gain your attention with this problem behavior.

    – The removal from the table gives attention, which is just what he wants! (Remember the pig from the previous post?)

    You will want to re-direct away from the problem

    Wait a brief period to gain compliance and then engage in attention giving.

     

3. Offer limited choices –

    Don’t just give into your child’s demands. 

    If the child wanted a different cup than what was offered, offer the same item or state that “we can put it away.”

    A tantrum may still occur but this does not mean you handled the situation badly.

    If your child wants more control in choice making, next time offer a choice between cups before the problem behavior occurs.

     

We do not mean to imply that you should never say no.

You must also teach what you expect of your child. Just try not to over use “no.”

Providing kind and firm discipline to teach acceptable behavior is the goal.

We can do this without over using the word “NO”.

Glaciers & Children Have Something In Common…

22 Feb

THE MELTDOWN

Ice melts from the heat. What melts your child?

Understanding why tantrums happen can help you figure out how to deal with the behavior.

There are usually 4 reasons we engage in certain behaviors:
1. gain a desired item
2. gain desired attention
3. avoid or escape a demand
4. automatic -It feels good or something internal triggers the behavior

Anger and tantrums are contagious and no parent or teacher does their best work when angry.

The first step is to calm down
breathe deeply, model emotional regulation for your child.

Do not try to “fix” a the tantrum situation with rewards.

Offering a child an item will teach him that tantrums are a good behavior for gaining something he wants.

Unless you enjoy tantrum behavior, DO NOT give rewards for tantrums.

This would be reinforcing tantrum behavior and a sure way to see this behavior increase in future occurrence.

TIPS:
1. Avoid talking through a tantrum :
• Usually a child is not listen when upset
• Words will likely add fuel to the fire. (Don’t burn your eyebrows off)
• Silence reminds us to stay calm

KEEP IN MIND:
If the child’s tantrum is to gain attention, you will have reinforced the behavior you want to eliminate!

2. Do not try to “fix” a tantrum causing situation with rewards.
Offering a reward during a tantrum = a sure way to get more tantrums!

Fishing For Appropriate Consequences

12 Feb

Why does one child ask nicely for something he wants while another child will tantrum for something he wants?

CONSEQUENCES

A consequence is what follows a behavior. It is these consequences that will increase or decrease the occurrence of a behavior.

HERE IS AN EXAMPLE:
Johnny wants the Swedish Fish candy that Daddy left on top of the refrigerator. Johnny asks Mommy for “fish” but Mommy is unaware that this candy is on top of the refrigerator. When Johnny is denied the candy he starts to scream and cry. This behavior still does not get Mommy to give him the candy.

Johnny takes it to the next level and begins to slap himself. Mommy provides attention for this behavior because she is concerned. She attempts to comfort Johnny who is now in a full rage. Comfort is not what he wants. He turns and bites his Mom.

Dad hearing the commotion, enters the kitchen and questions why Johnny is upset. Mom states that he wants “fish” but she doesn’t have any candy in the house. It is at this point that Dad takes the “Swedish Fish” down from the refrigerator and offers a handful of candy to Johnny, thankful he is calming down. That’s where the mistake happened!

Weeks later, Mom and Dad question why Johnny seems to tantrum and bite almost every time he wants something.

BEHAVIOR BREAKDOWN:

What happen before the behavior Johnny asks for candy and is denied
The Behavior Johnny tantrums
The Consequence Dad gives Johnny the candy

Tip:

1. When giving a child something he wants, attempt to deliver the item or activity with the occurrence of good behavior versus negative behavior.

2. Do not give into tantrum behavior if you want to prevent it from increase.
What should have happened: Mom and Dad waited for Johnny to calm down. Once calm, they asked Johnny what he wanted and prompted him to request using his words again. The swedish fish candy are now delivered paired with asking and not a tantrum or biting.

Scolded Fish

This fish gets a consequence for his bad behavior!

There’s No Use Reasoning With a Rock, or a Toddler!

7 Feb

Spend less time talking and more time acting.

Do not try to reason with a toddler. You’re better off reasoning with a rock.

Big Rock

Can you reason with HIS bad behavior?

To young children, words are just sounds coming from your mouth. They have no real substance to them yet.

If your child is behaving badly…

Actions, such by picking him up and carrying him to another location, provide a clear message.

Yelling from the other side of the room means nothing!

Get up off the couch, stop talking, and start doing!

TRY THESE TIPS:

1. Provide lots of supervision, distractions and re-directions – Minimize your words and maximize your actions.
Quietly take your child by the hand and lead him to where he needs to go.
Show him what he can do instead of what he can’t do.

2. Staying engaged the right way – Some actions may only make matters worse:
– slapping his hand, yelling “no-no,” and engaging in a stare down
ALL =
an invitation for a child to keep their entertaining adult engaged with them.

3. Offer choices – Having choices gives children a sense of power: They have the power to choose one possibility or another.

Try a method and let us know the result.

Protecting Your Goat! (Not the animal kind)

30 Jan

Let’s talk behavior, my favorite subject.

I spend much of my day observing and attempting to understand why someone may be “behaving” in a certain way.
Behavior can be overt – publicly observable OR covert – observable only to the person engaging in the behavior such as thinking.

As parents and teachers it is the observable behaviors that will get our attention and at time will get our “goat”.

Focus on why Suzie is behaving in a certain way rather than just how the behavior looks will help you determine how to respond.