Terrible Tantrums Triggered by Talking?!

Do you have a child or a student who has tantrums or meltdowns every time they are told, “NO”?

He was told "No"

As parents and teachers of young children, we often over use this dirty two letter word.

The “No-No Tantrum” is very common.

We have parents that often report that every time they say “No”, their child will: scream, drop to the floor, and bang their head.

Often the word “No” has been paired with being denied something so many times that just hearing this word will produce a tantrum.

When that pattern is seen: “No” indicates to a child that a worsening condition is about to occur. Leading to a TANTRUM.

HOW NOT TO SAY “NO”:

1. Say what you want your child to do –

Instead of telling Johnny, “No, don’t climb on the table!” 

Present it in the positive, “Johnny, feet on the floor”.

 

2. Combine this with a distraction or redirections –

Remove Johnny from the table in a firm, calm manner. 

Refocus the child’s attention:”Let’s play blocks” or cars, ball, chase, etc.

WARNING: Be aware if your child is attempting to gain your attention with this problem behavior.

– The removal from the table gives attention, which is just what he wants! (Remember the pig from the previous post?)

You will want to re-direct away from the problem

Wait a brief period to gain compliance and then engage in attention giving.

 

3. Offer limited choices –

Don’t just give into your child’s demands. 

If the child wanted a different cup than what was offered, offer the same item or state that “we can put it away.”

A tantrum may still occur but this does not mean you handled the situation badly.

If your child wants more control in choice making, next time offer a choice between cups before the problem behavior occurs.

 

We do not mean to imply that you should never say no.

You must also teach what you expect of your child. Just try not to over use “no.”

Providing kind and firm discipline to teach acceptable behavior is the goal.

We can do this without over using the word “NO”.

Fishing For Appropriate Consequences

Why does one child ask nicely for something he wants while another child will tantrum for something he wants?

CONSEQUENCES

A consequence is what follows a behavior. It is these consequences that will increase or decrease the occurrence of a behavior.

HERE IS AN EXAMPLE:
Johnny wants the Swedish Fish candy that Daddy left on top of the refrigerator. Johnny asks Mommy for “fish” but Mommy is unaware that this candy is on top of the refrigerator. When Johnny is denied the candy he starts to scream and cry. This behavior still does not get Mommy to give him the candy.

Johnny takes it to the next level and begins to slap himself. Mommy provides attention for this behavior because she is concerned. She attempts to comfort Johnny who is now in a full rage. Comfort is not what he wants. He turns and bites his Mom.

Dad hearing the commotion, enters the kitchen and questions why Johnny is upset. Mom states that he wants “fish” but she doesn’t have any candy in the house. It is at this point that Dad takes the “Swedish Fish” down from the refrigerator and offers a handful of candy to Johnny, thankful he is calming down. That’s where the mistake happened!

Weeks later, Mom and Dad question why Johnny seems to tantrum and bite almost every time he wants something.

BEHAVIOR BREAKDOWN:

What happen before the behavior Johnny asks for candy and is denied
The Behavior Johnny tantrums
The Consequence Dad gives Johnny the candy

Tip:

1. When giving a child something he wants, attempt to deliver the item or activity with the occurrence of good behavior versus negative behavior.

2. Do not give into tantrum behavior if you want to prevent it from increase.
What should have happened: Mom and Dad waited for Johnny to calm down. Once calm, they asked Johnny what he wanted and prompted him to request using his words again. The swedish fish candy are now delivered paired with asking and not a tantrum or biting.

This fish gets a consequence for his bad behavior!